Shannon Column: The 2010 Mexican roundup
There was a near miss in Fairfax County for Prince William County’s Jefe de la Policia Charlie Deane. Authorities there arrested a Belgian accused of soliciting prostitution. A records check, conducted as part of the Federal “Secure Communities” program, revealed this miscreant was also an illegal alien.
Thank goodness this bad man was caught before he had a chance to cross the Occoquan.
Adding Belgian outreach to his already extensive Hispanic illegal alien outreach could have pushed Jefe Deane over the edge. There is only so much apologizing for enforcing the law that one man can do.
Reaching out to Belgians is particularly difficult in that you have to pander in two languages: Flemish and French. Plus Deane would have had to find a police officer with a French surname that spoke French and a Flemish surnamed officer that spoke Flemish otherwise his outreach would not be sincere.
That sort of complication makes last year’s Hispanic Contrition Tour (or Festival de Contrición) look like a model of efficiency, since one abject apology in Spanish covers about 15 countries and most of the landscapers in the county.
“Secure Communities” is actually sort of an SAT test for illegals. It only matches arrestees with a database of aliens who had a visa and overstayed, or aliens who were caught earlier and are making a return visit to the hoosegow.
If Juan is clever enough to avoid attracting attention after he wades the Rio Grande—not difficult under Deane’s lethargic enforcement regime—his name won’t be in the database. And if there is no database hit, then Juan remains in El Norte.
“Secure Communities” is a much less stringent affair than the 287g program that allows deputized local officials to determine whether or not to pursue deportation of illegals.
Of course if it were up to Deane, the welcome mat (or alfombra de bienvenida) would never be withdrawn. He worries that a lot of crime is going unreported due to a victim’s immigration status, hence the constant reassurance that Deane’s heart is not really in immigration work.
But I wonder if when Charlie is talking to “immigrant rights groups”, do the terms “aiding and abetting” or “conspiracy” ever come to mind?
The audience for his outreach often is illegal or knows other illegals, harbors illegals, knowingly does business with illegals and generally approves of the mass violation of the nation’s borders. Yet our jefe is unperturbed.
It is interesting to compare Deane’s come-one-come-all (or viene uno que llega a todos) philosophy with that of Frederick County, MD Sheriff Charles Jenkins (trust me, the first name is the only similarity).
Jenkins’ policy is to target every inmate identified as an illegal for deportation, which amounts to about 9 percent of his jail population.
“One of the first persons we processed [for deportation] was driving under the influence of alcohol through a school zone during school hours at 30 miles over the speed limit,” Jenkins told the Washington Post. “Is he any less of a threat to the community than a [top-level] offender? I would argue no.”
A sentiment not shared by Deane who downplays illegal alien crime by explaining the most common violations are driving without a license, public intoxication and driving under the influence of alcohol.
That’s certain to be comforting to the taxpayer in an auto crash with an illegal who had neither a licencia de operador del automóvil or insurance.
It’s a mere property crime, don’t you know, and besides the county furnishes Deane with his ride.
But now if looks like Charlie’s foot-dragging has finally paid off.
The census has come to town and thar’s gold in them thar Mexicans. Why our Board of Supervisor’s says Uncle Sam’s bounty on illegals is $1,000 a head and we want to count every last Jesús and Jesúsa.
That measly thousand bucks will just about cover the county fee for the ambulance and first visit to the emergency room for our newly welcome South-of-the-Border guest.
After Obama’s thousand bucks is gone, who pays for the schools and associated social costs that illegals bring?
Once the public gets past the whiplash-inducing political hypocrisy, I don’t foresee a counting problem. Just ask Charlie for the list of groups he’s apologized to and work up from there.
One thing is certain: Hispanics aren’t shy about lecturing the U.S. on how to improve the illegal immigrant experience. Just this week Columbian fanny-shaker Shakira was in the White House to discuss “child development programs in Latin America.”
But she’s behind the curve. We already have a program for that. It’s called “anchor babies.”
Michael R. Shannon is a public relations and advertising consultant with corporate, government and political experience around the globe. He is a dynamic and entertaining keynote speaker. He wants you to share the machines and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.